Is my professor just being friendly or something more?

Sorry this is long, but the background is important: So I have this professor who is well liked by all, a great teacher, very funny, accomplished, good looking etc so I obviously respect him as a teacher and as an individual. I guess I have a little crush on him. He is such an inspiring individual and has all the qualities I look for in a man.





He is, however 12 years older than me and is married with kids so he is clearly off limits. He seems to treat me differently from other students though, and I don't know if it's because I want to see it that way, or if he really likes me. For example, during class he spends way more time looking at me than anyone else, often making eye contact with me for 10 seconds at a time, and always looks at me first after making a joke (to see if I'm laughing?). People tell me I am good looking so I guess this isn't too surprising? After class I have gone to ask him questions a few times, and he usually ends up asking me questions about myself, on a few occasions these after-class chats have lasted 1 1/2 hours. He never misses an opportunity to point out what we have in common, or to suggest we chat again soon. I always get A's in his class, although I have heard he never gives A's and is a very tough grader. I am a good student so this is also not too surprising.





But then the other day after talking to him about class he squeezed my arm a few times as I turned to walk away. I think I know the difference between a friendly squeeze and a squeeze that means something more. This squeeze had "purpose", not gentle but not painful. He then looked me in the eye and smiled...There were other students around but no one noticed because he walked behind me as he did this, blocking their view. Should this just be interpreted as a friendly gesture? Or something more? There are many more examples but I don't want to waste anyone's time.





I would never initiate anything not only because he is clearly off-limits (I have nothing against teacher-student relationships, it's him being married that I would have a problem with), but also because I am bad at reading people, and am not very flirty. But I would just like to know what I should make of his treatment of me. Any advice would be very appreciated!



It does sound like you're very curious to know his feelings for you, while saying that he's off-limits. It sounds like a fantasy for him has developed in your mind, and since you haven't been forced to choose between your values towards marriage and your deep desire for him, you're stuck in limbo. Meanwhile, maybe you are wondering if his marriage is unhappy, etc?





So my question for you: what would you do if he DOES have amorous feelings for you? Forget it and move on? Consider a relationship with him? Not sure at all?





If you've decided that you would just leave it alone & reject his offer to something more than a student-professor relationship, then why does it matter if his touch is more than friendly?





It sounds like you want it to be romantic, and I see where you are coming from. If that is the case - if you want him to have feelings for you - you do know that a relationship with a professor can have consequences for his career, reputation, etc? (aside from his marital status) The university may frown upon and may even dismiss him for this. If you truly care for him, keep this in the front of your mind as you go about all your interaction with him. If you really like him, keep his best interests at heart and don't do anything that would jeopardize his career & reputation.





As for the squeeze... based on the way you describe it, it sounds like he didn't want others to see it, but he did it in such a way that if they did see it, he could have explained it by saying it was just friendly.




I agree with love, be very very careful about this. Your professor is way out of line. I know it might be tough but I would suggest totally cutting down on the interactions with him before he gets the wrong idea and puts you in a terrible position. Good luck.




ID SAY GO FOR IT CAUSE 12 YEARS ISNT THAT BAD


BUT HES MARRIED --- AND HAS KIDS SO THATS TO BAD


IM SORRY BUT KEEP ME UPDATED OKAY


TO SEE IF HES GETTING MORE PHYSICAL




I'll just give it to you straight. You keep reiterating that he's "clearly off-limits," but I'm getting the vibe that you'd pursue it if he did. This could get dangerous, considering his family. I would kind of cool off and stop making as much eye contact. Remove yourself from unnecessary situations when you're alone together. If you have a legitimate question that needs to be answered, that's one thing. Otherwise, considering your attraction to him and his apparent fondness for you, I'd lay off. It could get nasty.